i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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