dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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