I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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