and you said cock pushups were impossible
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
