I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
