I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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