In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
