you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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