my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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