And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
