i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
