Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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