we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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