i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
