I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
