just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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