It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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