You're completely useless in the revolution.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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