I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
only if we run a train.
done.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
