How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
