i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
