this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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