Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
