Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
