dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
