just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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