i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
