I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
