...so i touched it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
