i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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