my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
time to smoke my breakfast
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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