Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize