guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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