Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
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