Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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