Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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