Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
