The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
