he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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