I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
