Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
