I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
