You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
