My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
only if we run a train.
done.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
