Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My life is pants optional.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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