the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
