we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
foreskin is a definite game changer
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
