so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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