will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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