I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
