I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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