I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
