I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Are my feet made of real feet?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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