He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
