Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Soap is not a condiment
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
