when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
