You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
