He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
