Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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