you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
