video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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