I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
